About Kristy

Kristy Burmeister probably exists, but since so few people have ever actually seen her, anything’s possible.

Assuming she is actually tethered to this mortal realm, she’s definitely a human person who eats food and does not ever absorb energy directly from the people she mildly annoys on the internet.

She may have lived all over the U.S. and likely sounds Southern to Midwesterners and Midwestern to Southerners. Pacific Coasters don’t care what she sounds like and East Coasters don’t know she exists (again, assuming she does exist.)

Kristy has published one collection of poetry and one memoir. She’s currently writing a “ghost story,” which might just be another memoir.

An FAQ of Questions My Friends Asked Me on Facebook

Where’s the rest of your thumb?

Somewhere in northern Indiana.

Which middle school program do you wish you had joined and continued into high school?

There weren’t many opportunities for me to join anything in middle school, partially because I was homeschooled for 8th grade. If I’d had the option to join a community theater group that early, I’d have jumped at that.

How many olives can you fit in your mouth at once?

I would never knowingly put olives in my mouth.

Who was your favorite author in 8th grade?

The contributors to the World Book Encyclopedia from around 1960.

Why are you the way that you are?

1980s PBS, 1990s internet, and ADHD.

What major life decisions do you feel best about?

  • Writing Act Normal
  • Watching Xena: Warrior Princess in the 90s
  • Leaving fundamentalism
  • Learning how to grow my own food
  • Respecting my children so they’ll expect respect as adults

Can you describe yourself in terms of an animal, on a means of transportation, going towards a destination, while eating a snack food?

I’m a runner duck on roller skates, heading toward my local library while eating pizza rolls.

What’s this about ducks?

Have you seen a runner duck?

What’s the weirdest thing you have in your home?

It might be the glow-in-the-dark tardigrade figurine.

What’s your favorite cheese?

Whatever kind is on the complimentary cheese tray at any event.

What do you wish people would ask you?

I wish people would ask what movie I quote most often because it’s The Wizard of Speed and Time. Not one single person has laughed when it starts raining and I shout, “Run between the drops!” but I’ll never give up on it.