Two Mennonites Walk Into a Catholic Literary Gathering…

  Full disclosure: Neither of us are actually Mennonites anymore. Sometimes we just pretend to be for the pie. A few months ago, my friend, Timothy Putnam, gave me a head’s up about the Trying to Say “God” conference. (I’ve got to give him credit here because I usually just give him a lot of crap and nonsense.) Even though I’m not exactly Catholic (I’m not exactly…

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How to Help a Friend Who is Being Stalked

Take it seriously. The first thing you have to understand is that stalking is a pattern of behavior, not a one-time incident. Your friend may tell you she’s afraid because her stalker left dead flowers on her porch. That may sound minor to you, but what you don’t know is that her stalker has also been calling just to wake her up every night at…

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This Post is Definitely, Absolutely, Positively Not About Mike Pence

  I don’t normally jump on the latest topic that’s flying around on social media. And I’m not going to jump on Mike Pence. (I mean. I’m a pacifist. Jumping on people is frowned upon.) What I do want to talk about is something I’ve mostly seen people talk around instead of about. Some people believe that men and women should never be alone together. That…

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An Online Conversation With My 17-Year-Old Self

In 1998—the era of screeching modems and dial-up speeds we thought were lightning fast—I was one of a few people I knew who had a home internet connection and their own website. When Geocities closed down, I thought my teenage website was gone forever, but thanks to Internet Archive’s Way Back Machine, it’s still out there, kicking it late-90s style. I was an opinionated little thing…

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How to Train Your Christian

  Christians, while fun and loving, can present many challenges. Proper training is the key to a happy and healthy Christian. Obedience Training There are two commands that every Christian should learn. Down – This command is often difficult for Christians to learn because of its submissive posture. Leave It – This command is vital, though many trainers neglect it. Do not shy away from…

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For the Ones Who Can’t See the Light

Dear You, I know. I know what it’s like to trudge through knee-high snow, in the woods, at midnight, without a coat, during a blizzard, and squint through those icy bites, looking for that warm candle light that will lead you home, but there is no effing flicker of light out there. OK. Maybe I don’t actually wander the woods during a blizzard, but I think…

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The Spiritual Gift of Shutting Up

  Have you ever taken one of those spiritual gifts tests? You answer a few multiple choice questions and the test suggests which spiritual gifts you might have. And then you compare your gifts with your friends, while pretending to be all humble about “leadership” being your spiritual gift. Next, comes the argument about whether or not those pesky charismatic gifts still manifest today or…

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#Triggered Jokes

“Sherlock sucks.” #Triggered He posts it as a joke. He’s making fun of all the little internet kiddies who use “triggered” when they really mean “I don’t like that thing you just said.” But those little internet kiddies aren’t reading his comment. I am. And those kids misappropriated that word from the people who need it. Those kids aren’t triggered. They’re irritated. They’re offended. They’re…

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